Em has been tapped to cover GQ Magazine’s “Gods Of Rock”” issue, alongside The Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards (makes sense) and Lil Wayne. During the interview portion, Marshall opens up about his drug-addled past.
“So I had to go in and make new songs to replace them. In my head I was pissed off: ‘Oh well. Songs leaked. F–k it. I’m just going to take a bunch of f–king pills and go in there and have a party with myself.’ I’m sure the more pills I took, the goofier I got.”
“Look, every addict in rehab feels like everyone’s staring at them. With me? Everyone was staring at me. I could never be comfortable. There were people there that treated me normal. Then there were a bunch of f–king idiots who aren’t even concentrating on their own sobriety because they’re so worried about mine. They’re stealing my hats, my books—it was chaos. Everything was drama in there. And at the time, I didn’t really want to get clean. Everybody else wanted me to. And anyone will tell you: If you’re not ready, nothing is going to change you. Love, nothing.”
Hit the jump for more tidbits, courtesy of RapFix. SHAKE UPDATE: Back to the top with the actual cover.
“I came to in the hospital and I didn’t know what the f–k happened. Tubes in me and shit, f–kin’ needles in my arms. I didn’t realize I had [overdosed]. I wanted my drugs—get me the f–k outta there! I think I was clean for two weeks. I was trying so hard—I was trying to do it for my kids—but I just wasn’t ready.”
“I had a feeling in my arm that was weird, man. Like, it really freaked me out. So I went to some people I trust and said, ‘Look, I know I need help. I’m ready now.’ I got a room in the same hospital where I overdosed, and I detoxed.”
“I’m just this shy kid. And I get thrown into a classroom with more people I don’t know, and I’m going into my shell and I’m worried about how my shoes are bummy as f–k and I’m wearing Salvation Army clothes, and these kids are behind me and they’re making comments and whispering, and I don’t really know that they’re talking about my clothes but I feel like they are, and they’re talking about my haircut. I don’t even know how to speak up for myself, because I don’t really have a father who would give me the confidence or advice. And if you’re always the new kid, you never get a chance to adapt, so your confidence is just zilch. You’re thrown out there to the f–king wolves. Hence when N.W.A starts saying F–k you to the police and to everybody—’F–k you who doubted me’—holy s–t, I want to say that.”
“The thing sobriety has taught me the most, is the way I’m wired—why my thought process is so different. I’ve realized that the way I am helps with the music. Sporadic thoughts will pop into my head and I’ll have to go write something down, and the next thing you know I’ve written a whole song in an hour. But sometimes it sucks, and I wish I was wired like a regular person and could go have a f–kin’ drink. But that’s the biggest thing about addiction: When you realize that you cannot—for f–k’s sake, you can not—f–k around with nothing ever again. I never understood when people would say it’s a disease. Like, ‘Stop it, dickhead. It’s not a disease!’ But I finally realized, F–k, man—it really is.”
“I would hear people saying this and that about Relapse. Certainly I’m not going to sit on the Internet all day and read what Sam from Iowa is saying about me. But I’m a sponge. I’ve always been a sponge.”
“On an emotional level, I want my music to connect with the same kid who I was. So it was like, ‘Okay, let me get serious. Because I feel like I’m being wrote off right now, and I’m kind of on my last leg.’ I felt like the underdog again.”