Vince Staples Understands The Internet, And He Understands You

blame it on Patrick Glynn September 14, 2016

You’re in sixth grade again.

There’s a substitute teacher, because your normal science teacher is not wanting to deal with groups of 12-year-olds because your teacher is a normal person and who really ever wants to spend their day with groups of 12-year-olds, especially after a night of too much grading, which calls for too much wine, because it’s really hard to deal with how dumb groups of 12-year-olds really are.

The substitute teacher was instructed to pop in this video and tell the students to write five facts you learned from the video. All the facts they write will come in the first five minutes, because groups of 12-year-olds are little shits who are smart enough to deceive but not smart enough to understand how the world works.

The video that gets put on features a young and wise rapper, Vince Staples, and he’s explaining the Internet — something these groups of 12-year-olds know is used to watch YouTube clips and do some research for their book report last year and hopefully not much more.

But now Vince Staples is teaching them.

The instructional video has generic clips all teaching videos/documentaries use to show the vast and growing landscape of the world: highways, computers, kids with headphones, people running naked on a beach. But this one is different, because it has Vince Staples teaching the kids exactly how to understand The Internet and the people who inhabit it.

“The Internet is where you don’t have a picture or a name, so you can be who you wanna be,” Vince says, unintentionally teaching groups of 12-year-olds the depths of The Internet you can reach. The substitute teacher realizes the normal teacher didn’t watch this video before telling him to show it to groups of 12-year-olds.

“A lot of people wanna be horrible things in this world we live in.”

Vince precedes that with: “What you need to do is go on Twitter, search your favorite black person’s name and then put ‘n*****’ in the tweet. That’s when you get to the real dark side of Twitter.”

This wasn’t a good idea, sixth grade science teacher.

But Vince Staples isn’t wrong, because Vince Staples gets it. He understands how The Internet and all you mongrels on The Internet operate. That’s why he sends out “20 tweets a months, get half a million to look at them, then you don’t have to do anything. Except maybe a show.”

And it produced gold like this:

And this:

If weren’t before, join Vince Staples’ side below.